| madness feels funny. |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|03:50 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gregorian chants | ] |
can't sleep. madness feels funny. i've gone insane. i read to go to sleep and them i put down my boom and said 'ok, time for bed.' but i closed my eyes and open they sprang, refusing to close. now i'm here and i can't sleep. man, what i wouldn't give to dream. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|01:50 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the song of the stars | ] |
Look at the stars and think of me. some day we'll all realize that when we look at the stars we look at the things we're made of. when we look at the stars what we really see is a reflection of our lives. when we look at the stars we see infinite possibilities. when i look at the stars i see a comfort and a permanence that no human can give. i see history and i see the future. i see and endless spectrum of everything that humans can't feel. i feel safe. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|02:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Numa Numayai | ] |
more things should be open at 1 am. why aren't they? things close at one, but they're not open. it's hurting. i wanted to go to in an out and i discovered that sunday is not a weekend. arg. where else is there to go? denny's? eh, i don't want to sit down. oh geez. sleepy time? maybe? class at 1010...erg. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|12:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bad Movie Scene -- The Gathering | ] |
shoul di be missing people? should i be sad that i'm gone? should i be feeling anything? i'd like to be feeling something, but i'm not. i think maybe that's odd. i'm not depressed, and i'm not in tat state where you're so unhappy that nothing matters anymore. i'm in my own personal confusion of indifference. i dont really understand it and i'm not going to pretend that i don't like it. maybe it'll take a while for me to start feeling something. maybe when classes start tomorrow.
maybe not. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|12:28 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | random music roommate is playing | ] |
so, i'm moved in. into my dorm, that is. it's pretty chill, i guess. i'm still not overly excited, but then again i havent been excited about anything in a long time, but oh well.
mmmm...sonic the hedgehog is calling to me... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2005|04:49 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Wake Me Up When September Ends -- Green Day | ] |
i should be sleeping. i mean, really really, i should be sleeping. but i'm not. i fell asleep for like twenty minutes at around 1:30. then i had to run out and track down my sweater. what? ah, well. i think i might be hungry, but i dont feel like eating. humph.
*sings* no more work for margaux, no more work for margaux! well...not till winter break. shit. shleepy, shleepy...
wow, so i havent really had a good night's sleep in weeks. it's odd, but i dont really mind. two is early. maybe i'll sleep at school. HAHA. sorry, i crack myself up.
alright, so, the whole world should come and visit me in san fran. it'll be cool, my roomate will love it...NOT. well, i dont really know. oh shit, gotta grab a poster. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|03:23 am] |
|
sleep? what is this sleep you speak of? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|10:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | that train dont stop here -- los lobos | ] |
alright, so first off let me say that i am "functioning" on four hours of sleep. usually no biggie, but the fact that yesterday was spent in my own sort of personalized hell known as children's theatre. all day...and i had to do sound. i hate sound. sound is the devil. seven condenser mics, two old mics used for general speaking shit in the theatre, and two body mics in an outdoor venue designed so that the audience is essentially in the middle of the three stages, making it impossible to point the speakers at the audience without picking up outrageous amounts of feedback. AND i was running the first performance for the first time and it was from my computer. my best is supposed to be right, and when i was doing my best to do this and it still wasnt working i just wanted to grab someone and say 'doesnt it understand i'm trying and it should automatically work for me!!’ but i didnt. i suppose that's what i get for teaching myself tech. meh.
alright, i'm pissed. i'd forgotten but i just remembered! i'm so sick and tired of these modern movies trying to convince little boys and girls everywhere not only if you're pretty you'll succeed, but also that the only way that you will ever be happy is if you find someone you 'love'. so then you've got these poor children programmed to begin a lifelong search for something that doesnt even begin to exist, and when they die they're going to die alone and sad and confused, asking themselves why they never found 'love'. only then will they realize that it was all a lie. i'm tired of modern society trying to shove their ideals down these kids' throats. it’s worse because i work so closely with so many children. i mean, i go out and it's almost guaranteed that if it's in santa cruz i will run into a kid between the ages of four and fourteen that i know.
ok. enough bitching. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2005|11:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Why do fools fall in love? -- frankie Lyman & the teenagers | ] |
people bother me. most of them. most of the time. it bothers me that people blow me off. it bothers me that people underestimate me. it bothers me that people under value me. it bothers me that people assume things about me. people bother me.
sometimes life bothers me too, i suppose.
sometimes i bother me most.
most of the time im afraid the last is the case.
in any case, it's all irrelevent. i've been working too much, sleeping not enough, and drinking far too much coffee for my own good.
i move on the 21st of august.
507B Mary Ward Hall, SFSU campus.
exciting i suppose.
my back itches and i am unbearably unentertained and annoyed. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|01:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sweet, sweet silence | ] |
i just got home from work. not too long of a day today, becausse i didnt get there until two thirty, so it's all good. woo. anyways.
not really a whole lot to say. i've been working. my tattoo stopped hurting. i need to find and kidnap someone with a digital camera so i can take a picture of it and email it to yself seeing as how i can't look at it well. it's on my back. all of my back.
tired. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|10:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bitter | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Jeramiah was a bullfrog -- Credence Clearwater | ] |
So kids, i think i'm tired. i didnt get to bed until lateish last night and i haven't had a good amount of coffee in a week. that makes for a fairly unhappy kitten. then again, i've just been cranky and bitter recently. i mean, i am amargo. i always have been pretty bitter, but recently i've just been a little raging ball of fire. ah well, maybe it's the nightmares. who know? not i, said the duck.
i'm in boothbay harbor, ME. mum and kevin are out getting smashed, aunt dode is snoring obtrusivly on the cot and i'm considering popping out for a fag. hehe, not the queer kind, silly.
other than that there's really nothing new or exciting to share...so later kids, and dont drink and drive. ;) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|08:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Space Travel -- Bush | ] |
So i'm in Massachusetts. hangin out with family and what not. i hate weddings. i tried really hard to be happy for sarah and to smile the whole time and to convince myself that they were going to be happy and that he's going to be loyal. but i really can't swallow it. they're not going to be together forever like they hope, people rarly are, and they're not going to have the perfect life they want, people rarely do, and i feel like wedding days are often just days on which everyone agrees to ignore truth and logic and pretend like the world is one big happy place. i ccan try and do that, try and give them their day of lies, but in the end it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
congratulations.
you lied.
*sigh*
tomorrow i head to kevin's dads for a bbq, which should be plenty awkward. i ahve a problem with father figured in the first place, and then to be presented with this one hat i've only met once before...he's gonna feel obligated to be nice to me and treat me like a grand daughter. weird. awkward.
then my birthday.
woo.
eh.
then boothsbay harbor in maine. i'm excited. i'm visiting mum's old friend todd and his boy lyle. it'll be great. we're suprising them!
then we go camping for the reunion! yay! josh is gonna be there! yay! shawn! yay! other people, yay!
eh.
cant sleep...
so bored...
eh... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|03:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | parabola -- Tool | ] |
Pop quiz...what should i be doing right now? time's up. sleeping. woo. good job. yah, yah, yah, i know i'm a fucking freak, such is life.
i hate the fourth of july. i know that makes me a bad person, but oh well. i hate it. i hate fireworks and i hate people feeling as though they have some reason to act like idiots even more so than they normally do and i hate how many people there are outside and the loud noises and i hate the memories attached to it. the fourth of july can shove it.
gar.
i need to find myself a good woman. that's what i need. no more of this crap with men, just a good woman.
gar.
angry kitten. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|03:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Space Lion -- Seatbelts | ] |
i should be sleeping, but am i? i'll give you two guess, and one doesnt count. anyhow.
i suppose i'm tired, i ought to be. i've been working like a mad woman. but i have two days off and i dont think i'm going to know what to do with myself. i have to buy a dress for my cousin's wedding tomorrow and some people have invited e to go bowling, but west wants to do something. maybe he and i can hang out in the evening hours and until then i'll hang out with miranda, desiree and make them come bowling with me, miles and zak and quiggle. ponder, ponder, ponder. somhow i think i've managed to make myself busy on my day off, but if i wansnt i dont think i'de be happy.
i'm going to get my hair cut and coloured on tuesday. i'm excited, i think i want sme purple in there, like purple highights and maybe then i'll stay blonde. although i dont really like my blonde that i am now, i want to go red again, but i think i'd rather go purple then red. oh god, i'm rambling. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|01:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Saturnine -- The Gathering | ] |
well kiddies, i suppose it's been quite a while since i've updated. oops. for all of you who didnt know, i was in north carolina for two weeks. i left pretty abruply, so dont feel bad if i didnt tell you i was leaving.
working again. like i'm ever not. it's nice though, it gives me something to focus on that isn't life. i dont approve of life. well, i suppose i do. i mean, i registered for classes at SFSU. not a class before 11, which makes me happy. i'm looking for a job for when i get there, but apparently Pisces moon is moving up there too, but it's a big town, maybe i'll never see them.
I FOUND NEW GELS! a whole box of them! can you beleive it? i'm so excited, it completly made my day. i was taking inventory for the summer and i had just finished with the cabinets when i looked over and what do i see but a box that say "ROSCO" on the front, along with handwritten words that say "Pisces moon gels" (which roughly translated means "margaux's gels") woo! so i open the box, expecting maybe a sheet of bastard amber and a daylight blue and what do i find but a whole spectrum of gels! ...now i need gel frames...
I'm so fucking stoked, i'm going to cash my checks this weekend and stock up for the summer. shopping list includes:
1 role gaffers tape
1 role duct tape
4 roles of various spike tape
1 cescent wrench
1 light bulb for my light board
some people by clothes for school, i buy tape. |
|
|
| Ignore the smoke and smile |
[May. 28th, 2005|11:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vanishing -- A Perfect Circle | ] |
ahoy kids, been a while. i've been a smidge-bit busy with life and work and boys and what-not. i graduate on friday. i will be temporarily done until i work, then i get a vacation, then i work then i get a shorter vacation, then i move to San Francisco (which i'm going to have to learn how to spell, preferablly before i move there.
alright, i know what i want for my birthday, tickets to see Phantom on Broadway and a trip to an art museum. that's it. haha, i say 'that's it' like it's an easy thing. ah well, a girl can dream, can't she? in the meantime i bought Phantom on video yesterday and have watched it three times since then. god i'm a loser. you know, if the phantom were a real person and not just a character i would leave everyone i've ever been with for him. fuck christine. gar.
well, i didnt really have anything interesting to say, except for the fact that i've done nothing all day and feel horribly slothful...i like it. *does a dance because i weasled my way out of work today* |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|10:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sunflowers -- Everclear | ] |
do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and have to whisper to no one but yourself that it will all be ok? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2005|06:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | It looks like rain -- Jann Arden | ] |
i, for once, do not need to be sleeping right now. woo! in the meantime, i'm a smidgebit confuzzled, but it's ok. i'll live. i've whittled my work load down so that i'm not doing very much any more. just three show, i beleive. that is if the santa cruz one is done. i hope it is, i've been there for too long, devoted too much to a high school play i'm not in. but hey, i was asked to, and i'm not able to say no...ever...i should probably wrk on that.
a fleeting image passes by
and again you have to wonder
what to do when there's nothing left.
you're not dead inside
because you're not allowed to be,
you're not really alive
because you can't find a reason why.
an image comes back,
it taunts you in sleep,
dreams come in waking snippets
as you run past your future,
and you keep running, keep reaching,
keep wanting, keep praying
because you know you have to,
there's nothing better to do.
aloof and remote you meander into the bars of your mind
and bounce back, only to hit the other side.
blah blah blah. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|11:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blue Room -- The Orb | ] |
yes, so, what would an entry be without opening saying i really ought to sleeping. i'm slightly exhausted. you know, sometimes a take things too much for granted. For example, those wonderful rare times when the majority of my brain is occupied with something or other. i'm really ok if i'm thinking about something, if i'm reading, activly talking to someone. and then comes a lull in the conversationg, the end of a chapter, and i'm right back into my dark thoughts. like now, i'm not doing anything so i'm once again inclined to go into my corner and hide for a bit. it's not that i actually want pity when i hide in my corner, or attention, or for anyone to talk to me, or touch me...i just want to sit there and read, is that so much to ask? just to be left alone? since when is that an awful request? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|01:36 am] |
In the end, Christopher Robin left Pooh behind... |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
korneredkitten's journal